Veil of Whispers 4: Attack of the 50 Foot Cow

The party’s procrastination problem continues as they reach Duskridge. A bovine of unusual size appears.

Date: February 10, 2024

Characters present:

• Findus: Tabaxi rogue
• Montgomery: Owlin ranger
• Rosa: Half-orc barbarian
• Sorigash: Aasimar blood hunter

Character level: 2/3

On the Road

After the events of last session, in which the group crashed their airship and freed a bunch of slaves from a mine, the party found themselves on foot in the woods. They were about two days from Duskridge and the forty or so slaves they freed were still in tow. Following the road toward the city, they soon spotted what appeared to be an approaching army led by a purple-dressed man beating on a pair of bongos. Confused and frightened, the party debated what to do—except Rosa who happily waved hello to the approaching infantry. The drummer waved back, and as he did, the army vanished into thin air. An illusion, it would seem.

The man was an adventurer named Gabriel. He recognized Nessie¹ from the magic shop she used to work in. He claimed that the amulet he’d bought from there didn’t work and that he wanted a refund. The amulet was supposed to translate ancient and forgotten languages when the command word—cease—was spoken. It worked fine when Nessie tried it but for whatever reason, Gabriel couldn’t activate it. Monty asked if he’d tried unattuning and reattuning to it again. Sorigash managed to convince him to let them buy it back for a quarter of the price, after which the group parted ways with the adventurer and his illusory army. It was only then that they realized that the command word might’ve actually been seas, not cease. Or sees, or perhaps cees. Maybe even seize. Whatever.

Further down the road, a dwarf fell from the sky. Dead, obviously. The group looked up to see a pirate airship. No way were they gonna pick a fight with that. Not even with forty pieces of cannon fodder.

The following night passed peacefully. On Montgomery’s watch, he noticed a bush where there hadn’t been one before. It didn’t react when he drew his bow so he fired an arrow at it, killing the goblin hiding inside with a critical hit. The goblin had a gold coin, making Monty ever so slightly richer.

Duskridge, Finally

The next day the group finally reached the city. They parted ways with their freed slaves and went to explore. There was a festival in town celebrating Worm Day; a minor holiday building up to Snake Day. Merchants were selling all sorts of trinkets from their tents. More importantly, there were games. Rosa and Monty rushed over to the closest one: archery. Monty paid fifty gold to get three shots at the target. Hitting a bullseye meant winning a necklace of fireballs. He fired a perfect arrow, but the target seemed to move slightly to the left just as it was about to hit. Everyone saw it, but the nasty man in charge of the game acted like nothing was wrong. Rosa walked up to the target, stood behind it, and held it in place. Monty rolled a critical miss, hitting Rosa in the hand. Whoopsie.

For whatever reason, Rosa trusted him to fire the final arrow with her still holding the target. No bullseye this time. Monty sighed and paid the fraud another fifty gold. The next arrow was perfect, but Rosa couldn’t quite keep the target in place. It seemed that the man was making subtle gestures with his hands every time the target moved, so Rosa decided to restrain him and force him to look away. By now Monty was on full tilt and missed the rest of his arrows. Having had quite enough, he cast Longstrider on himself, grabbed the necklace, and flew away while Rosa and Sorigash robbed the nasty man. The man cast a curse on the party and disappeared.

The curse was a nasty one. Sorigash grew a fluffy tail, Monty’s arms and legs swapped places, Findus’ legs got stuck together, and Rosa got an ear for a nose and noses for ears. As if the party wasn’t a walking circus to begin with. Rosa wasn’t going to let a temporary curse ruin her day and headed toward the next game: wrestling. A goliath² challenged her to a fight. She lost and started crying. The goliath, feeling bad, gave her a necklace with a lion tooth which made her feel a little better. Defeated, the party headed for the bar, Findus hopping and Monty bumbling about like some kind of freak gorilla.

The place was called The Sloshed Serpent and was a place full of criminals. A gang of crooks were celebrating something in the corner. Upon doing a bit of eavesdropping the group realized that they were likely members of the Shadow Syndicate celebrating the successful delivery of the princess to their employer. The party inquired, making no attempt to hide who they were. The leader of the group, an elven man, said he didn’t really care since his job was done and he’d been paid. He’d tell the group who his employer was and where he’d dropped off the princess if they could beat him in a game of poker. With the four of them against him alone, this was not even a remotely difficult task. One hand later he revealed that the the man who hired the Shadow Syndicate to kidnap the princess was no one less than Valerian; the prince of Duskridge. They’d dropped her off under a bridge, apparently.

Feeling better about themselves, the party decided it was time to get rid of the curse and restore their good looks. They set out to find a wizard. No problem at all since all wizards live in towers. Knocking on the door of the nearest wizard tower, they were greeted by a fellow named Agroza. He gave them potions to remove their respective curses in exchange for a painting of a cow that Rosa apparently had been carrying with her from the kobold-infested mine last session. Agroza was also familiar with the cheating fellow from the archery game. He was more than happy to give his address to the party, which was unfortunately all the way in Baldur’s Gate.

Upon discovering that the wizard didn’t actually sell magic items, the group headed for a tent down at the festival that they were told did. Inside was a small shop run by a pair of rats. Rosa cast speak with animals to have a chat with them. They didn’t have anything the party wanted, and they were very offended when Rosa suggested they come live in her pocket, so the party left. Sorigash suggested robbing them blind—they were just rats after all. We were told they had a human sleeping behind the counter whom they’d pilot like in the movie Ratatouille when necessary. The rest of the group got Sorigash to drop her violent idea and went to buy soap.

“Ethically Sourced Elven Soap”, said the sign outside the shop. It was run by a half-drow man³ to whom Monty would often deliver letters. He sold some weird soaps including one called “llama drama”. The soap maker, seeing a group of people in full adventuring gear and heavy weapons, brought them down through a secret passage in the back of the store. Turns out he was running an underground fight club. Rosa got to fight yet another of the DM’s old PCs, this time a hairy dwarven boxer named Mamouk. She split him in half with her axe and the party continued on slightly richer, having bet on their fellow adventurer.

Next, they heard there lived a poet in town. Surely poets must know lots about the grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous ravens of yore, like the one they met last session. Turns out the poet owned a bunch of ravens who would occasionally read her poems (???) and fly off and recite them to random people. Mystery solved.

What Are You Doing in My Swamp, Giant Cow?

The party should’ve been headed for the nearby swamp where lived a man named Connor Hall. Monty had a letter for him from the king, who believed he might be able to help them find the kidnapped princess. Unfortunately for the princess, the party stumbled upon a quest board. They learned that a local botanist was having cow problems. Rosa somehow being part cow, the group had no choice but to inquire further. The botanist explained that she’d experimented with potions on some cows and, to make a long story short, there was now a giant cow ravaging the nearby swamp. (Rejoice, princess!) Off they went.

The cow wasn’t hard to find. It was taller than the treetops. Using speak with animals once more, the party tried to reason with it. Rosa insisted they shouldn’t hurt it. She changed her mind once they found out the cow had gone carnivorous. It was feasting upon the local populace and could not be convinced to switch to a seafood diet. Into the fray once more, Monty took to the skies, raining arrows from above. Rosa chopped at the cow’s legs as if they were massive tree trunks. Sorigash got eaten. Findus jumped behind some shrubs, ducking in and out of cover to unleash crossbow bolts⁴ with great precision. Sori managed to crawl out of the cow’s mouth and onto its back, after which it mooed so loud that both Sori and Findus fell unconscious. Monty stayed up with 3 hit points, which was lucky because he was 60 feet in the air. He threw some magical healing goodberries at the ground for Rosa to feed to her fallen comrades. Findus dropped in and out of consciousness for the rest of the battle, until Rosa finally hit the cowzilla so hard that it exploded in a massive eruption of blood and giblets.

Five bucks says the next session starts with a Shrek reference.